Doing Things and Not Doing Things

I spend my days doing things I do not want do and not doing things I want to do

Did you get that?

I will say it again

I do things I do not want to do

I do not do thing I do want to do

Funny how I can get through emails, board packs and excel spreadsheets I know that are pointless and add no value to my life

But I cannot make time for writing, my weekend business or expanding my partnership

It may be a question of instant gratification, I get recognition for the effort I put in at work.

No such reward for the things I do want to do.

So one reason is I am a recognition addict clamouring for your approval

The other is simply it’s hard, it takes more effort to work extra for no pay, more effort not to surf the net and more effort to work out what to do next

I sometimes find myself looking for distraction so I do not start on things I should be doing. Ever cleaned a kitchen so you did not have to do something else?

The other reason is I am scared of failure. Well not so much failure but more what people will think of me when I fail. I mean I write this blog under a pseudonym. I always think what my family and friends think. I know it doesn’t matter what people think. But to live it is a different beast.

People now think I am smart, suited for success, management material. If I fail at something I will shatter their beautiful perceptions of me I have created with opportunistic fact dropping. Imagine the horror of someone thinking less than you because you tried and failed.

Anyway it doesn’t matter why I don’t do things, all that matters is I get started on them.

I need to find the motivation to cut out the noise and focus my energy on those things that matter.

Because I know that in 5 years I won’t be able to keep pace, to be patient, to push and to live the corp life

Enough talking