Who Am I Talking To

“Sometimes I don’t know if your talking to me or talking so other people can hear you”

These are the words of my wife. To me. I am talking to her just so other people can hear what I have to say?

So they catch the end of my joke? So they know how funny I am? Witty repartee? Good bants?

That’s right I lived in England.

Truth be told I do not know half the time. Am I talking to her? Am talking to myself? Who am I talking to?

Why am I talking? I use to be quiet, I could go a whole night without speaking. Just listening and watching. Living in my head. Not good either

Then I said a joke, like real quietly, just one person could hear, they laughed. I still remember it, ahh the high. It was like crack, and I have been chasing that high ever since.

An extremist after all.

So maybe that’s who I am talking to I am talking to that high, that high I got when someone laughed at my joke

That laugh was like a window to a new world, the world of funny cool Theo.

Cocky funny. If you know, you know.

But this begs the question. When I talk, talk to my friends, am I talking to impress them? Am I being there for them? Or am I just being a prick? Trying be cool?

I remember reading the best thing you can do for someone is pay 100% attention. But what am I doing is trying 110% trying be cool. Be cooler. Try harder. You try hard.

Tool

That insults hurts the most probably because it’s true

That’s the crux of it. Every time I am talking to be credited, to be recognised, to be validated I am being a tool