On Being Disliked

Did you ever struggle being disliked?
Or accepting being disliked?

I struggle with it.
It really bothers me knowing/thinking I am not liked.

I think it holds me back from giving something

Giving what ?

I don’t know but possibly my best. You know that little bit extra, that difference, in football they use the word “quality”. All I have to give is myself and without giving everything then something is missing.

I mean I want to be able to say my character and work speaks for itself

But I cradle things in soft words to not rock the boat. I hold things in, choose words carefully, not expressing my true intent.

Its funny I don’t have the same problem with people I love. For them I don’t mind being harsh, hurtful and honest. I say it’s because I love them. But the truth is its because I am not scared to lose them.

Ahh there’s the truth. Lose. But truth be told I have nothing to lose as these people are not mine to hold.

For the ones I care not, I watch my words and smile politely. I mean surely it should be the other way around.

Anyway I find such things need to be leaned into, to be felt and touched so they can be understood. You don’t swim by reading books.

Ask for forgiveness and not permission

I won’t look to be disliked or do it intentionally but I must give the bitter pill, the medicine where it’s there to be given.

Why?

Because that’s I have to give. I can give it with a smile or scowl. But it’s there to be given. If I am wrong to give it then I will learn from it and move on. But right now I am stale, not growing or giving anything.

Let’s give and see what we get back