How Do I Feel?

How often asked and seldom answered honestly. I will do my best.

I feel like the biggest moment of my life is upon me.

I feel all my failures following me

I feel like I so much to do and yet so much time has passed already.

I feel like its going to be amazing but I have so little evidence to back it up.

I feel like its going to re-frame my life, redefine me and bring me ease

I also feel like it could be the end of me, the finish, obliteration

Its never going to be the same

I feel like I see a tsunami coming and I want it to drown me, take me was me away

I want it to take all the pressure of my own expectations and lift it off my shoulders

Atlas shrug, please

I know its going to put more pressure on me

Its going to take me to another place

I always felt the death of my father and the birth of my kids will leave a profound effect on me, as it does on us all

I know what joy is waiting for me but all feel like is that I have let my child down already

I have already let down my unborn child, I have not given it all it needs, is that normal?

To feel that? Aye, can’t be.

I am still working out this thing called life out and there is a little guy or girl coming to join me and frankly I don’t know whether I can give it it what it needs

Frankly I don’t know if I give myself what I need

I am man with my own demons, addictions and failures

The drink calls to me more and more as I get older

Do you know why?

So I can escape me, my head

I hope I can be a good dad

I really do

Everyone expects me to be a good dad

Everyone

Do you ever want to give up? Sometimes I watch a movie scene of someone about to be beaten and then they fight back at the last moment and survive, sometimes I wonder if I would fight back, or if I would let life take me

I don’t know