Synopsis: A book about how to better in life, not just work, relationships or sport but in everything. This book can improve every area of life.
Habit 1: Be Proactive
In between what happened to him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose a response
I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, that person cannot say, I choose otherwise
My friend love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is a fruit of love, the verb. So, love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?
Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world
Direct control problems are solved by working on our habits
Indirect control problems are solved by changing our methods of influence
No control problems involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom of our face – to smile, to accept these problems and learn to live with them, even though we don’t like them genuinely and peacefully
Habit 2: Begin with The End In Mind
In retrospect, all these exercises in self-gratification seem pure fantasy, what Pascal called, licking the earth
By centring our lives on correct principle, we create a solid foundation for development of the four life support factors
As a principle centred person, you try to stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you and evaluate options
First you are not being acted upon by other people or circumstances
Second, you know your decision is most effective because it is based on principles with predictable long-term results
Third, what you choose to do contributes to your ultimate values in life. Staying at work to get the edge on someone at the office is an entirely different evening in your life from staying because you value your boss’s effectiveness, and you genuinely want to contribute to the company’s welfare.
Fourth, you can communicate to your wife and your boss within the strong networks you’ve created in your interdependent relationships
And finally, you will feel comfortable about your decision. Whatever you choose to do, you can focus on it and enjoy it
Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life…Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. This, everyone’s task is as unique as his specific opportunity to implement it
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Question 1) What is one thing you could do (something you aren’t doing now) that, if you did it on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life?
Question 2) What one thing in your business or professional life that would bring similar results?
Quadrant II is the heart of effective personal management. It deals with things that are not urgent but are important. It deals with things like building relationships, writing a personal mission statement, long range planning, exercising, preventive maintenance, preparation and all those things we know we need to do but seldom get around to doing
Have a bigger burning YES inside you so you can so NO to the little things. The enemy of the “best” is often the “good”
Do you have one of the following
- Inability to prioritise?
- The inability or desire to organize around those priorities?
- The lack of discipline to execute around them?
Most people say their main fault is lack of discipline. On deeper thought it’s because they haven’t internalised Habit 2
Organizing on a weekly basis provides much greater balance and context than daily planning
You simply can’t think efficiency with people. You think effectiveness with people and efficiency with things.
We accomplish all that we do through delegation – either to time or other people. If we delegate to time, we think efficiency. If we delegate to other people, we think effectiveness
Stewardship delegation is focused on results instead of methods. It gives people a choice of method and makes them responsible for results. It takes more time in the beginning, but its time well invested. You can move the fulcrum over, you can increase your leverage, though stewardship delegation
Trust is the highest form of human motivation. It brings out the very best in people. But it takes time and patience, and it doesn’t preclude the necessity to train and develop people so that their competency can rise to the level of that trust
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
The emotional bank account – our most constant relationships, like marriage, require our most constant deposits
Really seeking to understand another person is probably one of the most important deposits you can make, and it is the key to every other deposit
The little kindnesses and courtesies are so important. Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawals. In relationships, the little things are the big things
Keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit, breaking one is a major withdrawal
Clarifying expectations, the cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. That’s why it’s so important whenever you come into a new situation to get all the expectations out on the table.
Honesty is telling the truth–in other words, conforming our words to reality. Integrity is conforming reality to our words–in other words, keeping promises and fulfilling expectations. This requires an integrated character, a oneness, primarily with self but also with life.
When we make withdrawals from the Emotional Bank Account we need to apologize and we need to do it sincerely. Great deposits come in sincere words.
Win/win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena.
Win/win spirit takes courage
If you can’t reach true win/win, you’re very often better off to go for No Deal
For true win/win we need
- Integrity
- Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration
- Abundance mentality, there is plenty out there for everybody
The stronger you are – the more genuine your character, the higher your level of proactivity, the more committed you really are to win/win – the more powerful your influence will be with that other person. This is the real test of leadership
Habit 5: Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood
You have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires openness and trust. And you have to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that create a commerce between hearts
When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand. It’s an entirely different paradigm.
Ethos, Pathos, Logos. Ethos is your personal credibility; the faith people have in your integrity and competency. It’s the trust that you inspire, your Emotional Bank Account. Pathos is the empathic side–it’s the feeling. It means that you are in alignment with the emotional thrust of another person’s communication. Logos is the logic, the reasoning part of the presentation.
You can always seek first to understand
The more deeply you understand the other people, the more you will appreciate them, the more reverent you will feel about them. To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground
You can sense their hearts, you can sense the hurt
Don’t push: be patient, be respectful. People don’t have to open up verbally before you can empathize. You can empathize all the time with their behaviour. You can be discerning, sensitive and aware and you live outside your autobiography when that is needed.
Habit 6: Synergize
To have synergistic moments takes an enormous amount of personal security and openness and a spirit of adventure
Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy – the mental, emotional, the psychological difference between people. And the key to valuing those difference is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.
Habit 7: Sharpen The Saw
Renewal is the principle – and the process – that empowers us to move on an upward spiral of growth and change, of continuous improvement
Final Thoughts: This was a book I read in my early 20’s and I thought it was amazing and I think I read it twice in row. Re-reading it it is still very good but not as earth shattering. The main takeaway now is around relationships. Seek first to understand. Listen empathetically. These are the key takeaways. 8/10
Stranger in Sydney 