Synopsis: Be a better parent and do these things
Key Takeaways
Ruptures – those time when we misunderstand each other, where we make wrong assumptions, where we hurt someone, are inevitable in every important, intimate and familial relationship. It is not the rupture that is so important, it is the repair that matters. The way to make repairs in relationships is firstly by working to change your responses, that is, to recognize your triggers and use that knowledge to react in a different way
This feeling of wanting to push children away, of wanting them to sleep long and to play independently before they are ready so they don’t take up your time, can come about when you’re trying not to feel with your child because they’re such a painful reminder of your childhood.
What he discovered was then when couples are together they make what he refers ti as bids for connection. For example, if one partner is reading and says, “listen to this” and the other one puts down their own book ready to listen their bid for connection has been satisfied.
This is what a child needs, for a parent to be a container for their emotions. This means you are alongside them and know and accept what they feel but you are not being overwhelmed by their feelings. This is one of the things psychotherapists do for their clients.
You cannot tell a child that they love their sibling. They are aware of how they feel and they need a safe container for those feelings.
That acceptance, warmth and kindness are the things that matter most when it comes to our children
Your kids will lie to you so don’t make a big deal out of it
Final Thoughts: I didn’t like the tone of the book, it seemed to me to deal with a specific culture in the approach to dealing with problems. I did take away the need to show love and affection and to be patient with our children when correcting the. Claims about this and that causing trauma I think were a little bit overstated. 6/10
Stranger in Sydney 