Dear …..

I wrote you a letter a couple months back, I am not sure if you ever got it.

In any case, I probably wrote it more for myself then I did for you.

Allot of my writing to you has been like that.

Maybe allot of the things “we” do is for me.

And allot of the things “we” do is for you.

All relationships are selfish to some extent.

I wanted to touch on something you said in our last exchange.

In fact it’s something we both said

“I am tired of talking

Talking about the same thing”

And it made me think;

Is our relationship enabling?

Do we just enable each other’s inactivity/laziness/procrastination?

Are we encouraging inaction?

Is my laziness rewarded when I write to you

Do I reward your weakness?

Honestly?

I mean some hard truths for myself are as follows

I read rather read/watch then experience

I surf the internet rather than sit in room and think

I care about myself before creating values for others

I do allot for the gratification of others, for the approval of others

Am I a good enough friend to tell you these things?

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”

We are talking about the same thing and expecting different results.

So lets talks about different things

Not about what we are going to do

Or like to do

Something different

Or maybe we just stop talking

And only talk when we have the courage to say the truth

Not only say it but to live it, live it and be it

Hopefully we talk soon

Did you know you can hypnotise yourself?

We do it every day with our default thoughts and self-talk

I learnt this in my twenties

And decided to take some control

So every time I saw the number six I would repeat the below affirmation

“I am Alexander, I am Goku, I am Scipio”

3:56pm at work

“I am Alexander, I am Goku, I am Scipio”

6 mins until the next train

“I am Alexander, I am Goku, I am Scipio”

The rugby score is 24-6

“I am Alexander, I am Goku, I am Scipio”

Who am I?

Alexander – The conqueror, perhaps the greatest historical figure. Died young with successors fighting over the empire

Scipio – Roman commander famous for the conquest of Carthage, a great ancient city.

Goku – A anime character famous for his persistence, good nature and never say die approach

Do I want to be these people?

Maybe, maybe not.

At 23 I wanted what they had; success, admiration and glory.

But these are all mostly external things

“God, grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change”

At 33, the age of the crucifixion

These are no longer my goals

I no longer want glory, power and money

Well at least I hope I don’t want those things

I want a good home for my family

I want to be a good husband, father and friend

I want to give myself in the spirit of love in each and every moment I can

I want to leave the world a better place then I found it

No wars

No battles

No trophies

Just love, contentedness and passion

I still want a cause to die for, but that cause is now my family, my tribe, my people

For them I die

So now when I see the number 6, what will I say?

“God loves you, I love you, all things with love and patience”

Every day go out there and do it better

“Every day in every way I get better and better”

I know you have heard the same

Did you ever hear of KAIZEN?

Its that same self help rehash

Every day, do it better

Your routine

Your food

Your walk

Your expectations

Make everything a little bit better every day

But what is better?

Have you heard of “less is more”?

“Occam’s Razor”?

We can make our life better by removing things that are not needed or do not matter

The phone after 830pm

Or expecations

Cut them with a knife

The need for money, houses and cars

Slice and dice away

You do not need it , you literally do not need everything in your life right now

Doing it better by doing less

Less words in your emails and your conversations

No more filler just filling

Now don’t take this too far

I mean foreplay is important but fluff is not

Remove the distractions and focus on what matters.

Say to you significant other “I love you” when you get home and leave the youtube video

Exercise? Stick to the basics, drill it better though, focus on each and every movement

Just like love in each and every interaction

Its the same

Do each and every movement and moment better

Write cleaner

Think clearer

No rush, no race

Less is more remember

Each of us has an opportunity to make a persons life better

To make a persons day

Each and every day

A smile

A compliment

A thank you

Each and every interaction is my chance to have that positive impact

To do God’s work

To look in someones eye and smile

To say thank you, congratulations, don’t worry and all the best

To focus on them and make them feel the centre of my world

This applies more to the people in my life then it does to anyone else

To my wife and my son

Too often I think of the glory

Of charming the big and powerful

The people who need my undivided attention the most are those closest to me

God knows how often I interrupt

I need to be the one who listens

Two ears and one mouth

Rememebr it

Don’t interrupt

Just listen and react

Beast mode awaits

Gods work to be done

In each and every interaction

Smile

Listen

Engage

Love

Each and every interaction

I am tired of talking, yet I am talking to you

Tired of talking about changes I am going to make or changes I want to make

Of the business I will start

Of the habits I will give up or the things I will eventually do

Tired of talking

How would you feel if I stop talking?

If I stopped asking?

If I just did my own thing and never spoke of it?

Would I be hiding?

Would I be holding something back from you?

Would I be denying my self a self indulgence?

Is it something that validates me?

That “i tried”

Would you feel betrayed?

I feel like I hide behind talk

Behind random information that I know

I hide

I build myself up via talking

About the things I am going to do

Maybe its time for silence

What is in silence?

Nothing has coming from talking.

Now its time for silence.

Shhh, I’m listening

It’s to be as encouraging and honest with the people in my life.

Be a positive force, show them how much I love them. Be there for them when it matters.

It’s easy to be happy and helpful when my mood is high.

But can I do it when I am angry and tired?

When I am busy?

I still struggle with “my” time
With anger and self resentment.

No time is mine, I do not own time, death can take me any second

Each moment is a gift

Just imagine how good it would be if every interaction I had with some one was positive?

What kind of trail would that leave?

The best thing I can do is smile at people

The best thing I can do is to listen to people, to look at them in the eye when they talk

The best thing I can do is be kind and generous to people

The best thing I can do is to act with love

I keep coming back to this

Love every action

Love every interaction

Love, patience, humility and level headedness

This is the best thing I can do

With myself and with all the people in my life

Love, patience, humility and level headedness

Anger, self righteous anger, this causes me so much pain

Anger does 3 things to me

1. It makes me judgemental

2. I disengage from the present moment

3. It leads to bad decisions

I saw anger for a long time like a fuel.

But it’s a fuel leak

Instead of getting angry I need to stay focused on the moment.

Focus on what I can control

Ultimately any anger is at myself

We see the world through our own rose colored glasses

If I feel anger it is anger at myself
For being human
For making mistakes
For not being what I want to be

It’s time to forgive myself
Forgive myself for my duplicitous nature
For being more bark then bite
For not being a perfect specimen
For my speech impediment

I forgive myself

I forgive myself for my mistakes, present, past and future

I will let slights go
I will not picture myself burning people

Most of all I will let go of all anger at my family and friends.

I feel it in my gut
Letting go of anger as a tool, weapon and motivator will help me more then anything else

Anger at myself is my biggest source of pain

It’s time to love

I mean this is hard

Just today I delivered a big piece of work and now I am all hung up on the reaction

“He didn’t appreciate it”

“Does he know how much work that took”

“This guy takes me for granted”

That’s all I can think about

But in truth it doesn’t matter

I did my best here, if they like it or not

It doesn’t matter, well it does, but it doesn’t

What matters more then people liking it is delivering good work

You see

Logically

I understand all this

But to live it

Its a struggle

Something I need to remind myself each day

Focus in

Deliver my best

Listen to the inner voice

And go

Just go for it

The outcome doesn’t matter

What does matter is the journey

The means

Enjoy it

Give to it

Love

Give your love

Because you can only do whats in front of you

Be happy with that and give it your best