It wasn’t done by some cult, some supreme leader or matrix like artificial intelligence. It was done by me, voluntary, maybe without my knowledge or consent. But I didn’t put up a fight.
The internet, that beautiful web that I find myself tangled in which pierces my mind with its sweet dopamine venom. Click, knowledge. Click, laughter. Click, pleasure. Click, power. Click, gratification. Click, click, click. I have been programming my mind with these dopamine rewards on a daily basis for the last 16 years. 16 years. Everything I could ever want just a click away. Patterns have been formed, the daily search through YouTube, news, emails and social media, have made neural pathways through my mind that may be too deep to turn off.
Work, or more precisely office work. That nine to five shit where the goal is to please your seniors and not necessarily do good work. See an email, reply quick. Get a task, drop everything and get it done. Your boss makes a joke, laugh motherfucker laugh, yeah it’s not funny but now your boss may like you, or at least NOT hate you. Programmed not to do the right thing but to affirm your seniors belief in themselves and their goals. Rewarded “acting” the companies culture and values. Acting with “integrity” while selling goods to third parties you decide best not to vet. Ensuring the work place is safe during a global pandemic. The reward can be instant as well, i.e. the behavior learnt and implanted into your psyche. All it takes is a “well done” from a senior, a nice little tap on the ass. A 10% pay rise. How we bleed for an extra 10%.
So what? Is this really such a big deal? 3rd world problems you self entitled shit bag.
The issue is the programming for an instant high makes it hard for me to start something or even see it through. I would much rather surf the net, snack on food or answer stupid emails then work on something really hard. I am entering the 33rd year of my life and still haven’t achieved what I wanted from a business point of view. I need some sincere focus to make it happen and stop looking for dopamine highs.
So what is the solution?
The programming can be undone, but nothing is free, extreme action may be necessary and a price must be paid. The price is missing out on connections with friends and family. I will need to switch off the internet when there is work that needs to be done. But my mind will search for the high I am denying it. That dopamine hit which it has learned to love. Planned work during these blackouts will be necessary, writing sessions, task lists and calls to make. This will be necessary until I can move between both worlds reasonably well.
Time is ticking I know this. Spending time one the internet won’t yield that which I desire. Only I can through action and trying and succeeding or failing and trying again. But in doing. All success lies in doing. Only in doing.
So lets reprogram the mind to do things
Stranger in Sydney 